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What is wrong with me? Why does this keep happening?

This is the thought that I have had many times over the years. Can you relate to it?

I am sharing something very personal today - a switch from the usual tips and content that I prefer - should I say it is my comfort zone to share wisdom...

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Today, during a visualization and emotional processing - I had a painful memory come up - I have been working on breaking some patterns in my life.

When I was in Elementary school, I was made fun of constantly - it was a small private school in South Texas. My parents had to sacrifice a lot for us to be able to attend this school so I felt like I was lucky to be there and had to make it work. The kids did not feel the same way. I was a child of immigrant parents who was not well-versed in the cultural norms and didn't have anyone to guide me. These were the messages I received, some overtly and others were not.

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You are too different.

You are too shy.

You are too smart

You are too dark

You are too hairy

You are too weird

You are too tall

You are too fat

You are not good at sports

You are too Indian

I was not included - not seen/heard and excluded

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As an adult, these same themes have continued so show up although differently:

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You are not doing enough

You are too much

You are too Indian - You are not Indian enough

You are too weird

You are not good enough - not skinny enough - not strong enough

You are not smart enough

You are not included - not seen, heard, and excluded

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The thing with this is that I have done so much work in the past through therapy, coaching, and other healing modalities to help me move past these feelings and thoughts YET when the memory came up, I felt deep sadness. I let myself feel it and gave it a voice.

I realized that even though I have done the work, the growth is not done, it is ongoing.

My past and conditioning will continue to impact me if I don't address my feelings and work with them. If I do everything to avoid these feelings, I unconsciously create situations that replicate the same patterns to confirm these beliefs.

Instead of getting discouraged, I reminded myself that growth is a spiral staircase - even though it feels like the same stuff, it is at a different level.

Now it's your turn - what feelings are you avoiding?

What are you pushing away?

What is something you wish never happened?

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Whether you acknowledge these feelings or not, they are impacting you. I am sending you love and support through all of it.

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If you are ready to move through some of your unconscious blocks and break your patterns - let's talk - Reply to this email and we can book a call 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

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XOXOXOXO

Kavita

Master Certified Business and Success Coach