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"Everyone wants a transformation, but no one wants to change."

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I heard this years ago from a mentor that I worked with. There is so much truth to this statement because for the things in our lives and our businesses to transform, we need to make changes, and by design, our minds resist changes. Changing is not seen as safe by our minds.

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I am currently enhancing my coaching skills, and in one of my modules, I learned more about the "Paradox of Transformation." This concept takes the idea that we really don't want to change our behavior and thoughts to the next level.

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This paradox is that in order to transform what is not working, we need to embrace what is not working; this part of us needs acceptance.

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Acceptance can be very challenging for so many people. It goes against what we have been conditioned to believe: if we don't stay dissatisfied, we won't push ourselves to achieve our goals. This belief goes further by thinking that if we accept things as they are and accept ourselves the way we are now, we will stay stuck. That is not true, and if you are resisting this, let me know how I am wrong; how is resisting what is working for you? Are things changing? Is your business improving? Is your life improving?

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Through my continued training, I also receive coaching and support. As I was going through this training, I uncovered a part of me that I didn't want to accept. It was the version of me that got picked last at school that was different and, therefore, not included.

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I may be revealing my age, but I went to a school where, in PE class, the teams were chosen by two people, and they picked who was on their team in front of everyone. I was never great at sports, so no one really wanted me on their team. Inevitably, I would be the last one or two left; this experience created the message that I am not wanted or included and has created a pattern that I have reinforced over and over again in my life.

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Although I didn't want to do it, I have worked on accepting that part of me, that little girl that wasn't wanted at that moment, that I was not great at team sports, and that I was different at school and not included. It was a painful realization, but I was ready to move past this pattern. I knew it didn't have to keep happening; I didn't need to keep reinforcing this unconscious pattern and belief. (Of course, I am simplifying the process; it took introspection, tears, deep inner work, and a coach to hold me through this process). I am sharing this with you because this is a personal example of the paradox of transformation.

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Now, it's your turn. What pattern keeps repeating in your life? How have you been fighting it and pushing against it? What if you could allow yourself to accept what is? What if accepting yourself fully and the challenges were the keys to moving forward?

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XOXOXO
Kavita

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